"Three things I wish my partner knew"

These pieces always make me chuckle. They are typically written in an article or blog post format, as an open letter to someone. Other times as part of a session, a client will mention that they wish their partner knew.


My follow-up response is always some form of:


"Why doesn't your partner know these things"?


Could it be that instead of talking to them about these (apparently) important issues, you're writing about them here?


Could it be that instead of talking to them about these (apparently) important issues, you're talking to me?


Are we so terrified of confrontation, rejection, and conflict with others that we can't just tell people how we feel?

What is troubling is the very idea that this person feels strongly enough about these particular issues to write publicly about them or discuss them with a stranger but can't find the courage to tell their partner.


"Oh, I couldn't tell them that, they'd get upset".


So... If your relationship is too fragile for the truth, you might have more significant problems.


Do you know why it's uncomfortable to be open and truthful? Because it's important.


Not telling the truth is dangerous. In his famous book, Radical Honesty, Brad Blanton says it about as well as anyone could.


"Politeness and diplomacy are responsible for more suffering and death than all the crimes of passion in history. Fuck politeness. Fuck diplomacy. Tell the truth."


MH




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